But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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