If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
