Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
