I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
