I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
