I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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