He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
