I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found puke in my bra..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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