the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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