Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
