the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
