I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
