Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
