put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
