Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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