Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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