I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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