Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blood and glitter go together right?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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