At least make sure they are 18
Why
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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