Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
