On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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