Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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