I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
