He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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