Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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