peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
