I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
