I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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