If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
