i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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