I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How external is "for external use only"?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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