honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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