Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
