Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
nutella sex= disaster
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
