You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
