wanna go halves on a baby?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
