He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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