I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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