Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
