Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
