tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
