you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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