The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
