You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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