I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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