sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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