I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
