they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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