he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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