It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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