The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
