Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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